Sweet sexy music for a long weekend… especially for those of us who haven’t totally bought into that monogamy thing…
At Sexhibition in Manchester – it’s rainy, must wear waterproofs. Latex will do.
Three reasons sex-obsessed and kinky people look better than vanillas…
Yes, it’s true, my empirical research (never said it was scientific!) shows that kinky people are better looking than vanillas. There are three reasons.
- Meeting new friends, lovers and people whose path would never have crossed yours is a good thing, and you have the chance to understand more definitions of beauty than the standard narrative will ever let you. Being open-minded and trying new things after your peers have solidified into “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’ll like it” helps you be an inspirational person. You will find more beauty and sexiness in the world if you let it in.
- You care about how you look – because maybe someone may actually be attracted and agree to sleep with you. If you take care of yourself and have self-respect, it works. Confidence is sexy. Get out there, leverage the advantages God gave you. Good shoulders? Cute ass? Sexy laughter? You don’t need to be tall and blonde. I’m not, and yet I’ve just written a book about the amazing sex I’ve had. In graphic detail.
- Having exciting sex makes you happy, and it shows. Sex and especially kinky sex should be just like a roller coaster [with a delighted shriek]: “Oh God, this is almost scary, what’s going to happen?!” “I can’t believe this is happening!!” followed by lots of happy screaming and panting… And afterwards your knees are jelly and you cling to your partner: “Let’s do it again! Now!”. Think about how adorable, excited and filled with energy kids are after a great roller coaster ride. You look irresistible after you have just had a fabulous shag.
Happy weekend, everyone. A big kiss to you!
Final night in Spain, hope you like the new shoes!!
Sorry I’ve been out of touch – I’m in Spain on hols, a quick snap from the other night… Enjoy the sun wherever you are!!
I’ve had the strangest discussions since I published the book and started blogging. Most fun, some genuinely interesting, and a few outright weird ones.
One young German wanted to discuss politics, but it quickly deteriorated, to which he burst out: “But you’re no right-wing extremist!!” as if this was an insult. It turned out that the red-white-black imagery of the book cover had made him automatically assume I was one of “his group”. I patiently explained that to others, red-black with a bit of white symbolises BDSM. He was as appalled at that as I was at the political connotations.
Otherwise, the most top common responses I type are:
“No unsolicited pics, please”
“Sorry, I’m not a pro”
“Never ask a lady her age!”
“No, sorry, I don’t share pics privately/do webcamming”
I have also learned about fetishes I had no idea existed – which is very unusual, as I generally assume that if it is a concept, there is a fetish for it. And the person who is attracted to having sex with a certain type of food (yes, actually intercourse with the particular food) feels as strongly about it as does the more common foot-fetishist and any vanilla person in love feels about fucking their partner, no kink involved. It’s humbling to hear the stories of how judged a person can feel if the fetish happens to be one which is generally ridiculed. Any type of sex can be really fun and satisfying with consenting partners (and in the case of the food, I don’t think there was psychological trauma involved). Watch this short film about women with a Centaur-fetish.
It does happen that I get messages from people wanting advice (see my advice on three in the bedroom from earlier), which I like. Particularly if it’s from newbies who are curious but a bit wary to get involved in non-monogamy/BDSM/swinging. I feel happy for them taht there’s this whole world out there for them to discover, and the bottomless joy, pleasure and energy they’ll be able to explore when they take the step.
Keep it coming, let me know what you thought of the book, and how living and loving a bit more freely has contributed to your life! Happy Saturday, everyone.
Do open relationships work?
First of all, the people who get to decide are the people involved, no-one else. They also get to define what “working” means to them. What do you want out of a relationship? What is important and unimportant? What rules are you comfortable with?
(Article from The Times 21 May, 2016)
Open relationships have rules just like others do. Depending on what the couple want to achieve and are happy with, there will be agreement on what’s allowed and not regarding external sexual contacts. If the concern is friends & family finding out, a rule may be “only when out-of town”, if they are concerned about STDs, the requirement may be “condoms, also for oral”, if personal security is a worry, maybe the agreement is “try to find a regular fuck-buddy”. Some couples want to save certain experiences for each other, so I’ve encountered the “no kissing” rule now and again.
All relationships have rules. Would you be comfortable with your partner spending every other weekend with friends, leaving you to take care of the kids on your own? Would you agree for your partner to spend money on a new car when the big plumbing bill hasn’t been paid yet? Time, money and attention are all important and always need to be discussed in any marriage or long term relationship. In open ones you just add sex to the discussion, which is often a good thing to ensure you get what you want and lead to joint happiness (within the relationship, too). Gay couples figured this out ages ago (more here).
So, do open relationships work? If you’re honest with yourself and your partner, negotiate rules you can live with, recognise when you need to renegotiate and stick to what you agreed – yes, it can work. But it also means there’s scope for betrayal and complications. It won’t work if that’s not what both of you want, or if you can’t agree or follow the rules you set out.
In addition, if you date or hook up with someone in an open relationship, do check what the deal is. It doesn’t automatically mean anything goes. And even if it means you’re dying to kiss them for a whole night, consider that you get to fuck them instead. That’s a win.
A month since publication…
Thank you to everyone who has been in touch with thoughts and good wishes since “Tough Love – the true story of my submissive adventures” was published!
It’s been fantastic to hear about your own experiences and hopes for future pleasure and laughter. And a special thank you to my friends who are actually in the book itself for support, love and fun. The ones who know. Many don’t…🙂
The third instalment about Open Relationships will be coming next week: about if they actually work.
Until then, have a good weekend!