2016 wasn’t all bad, was it…?

2016 wasn’t all bad, was it…?  I kissed some lovely people, published my sexy book, made some new friends, lost some and I’m looking forward to next year, to see what happens…

Happy New Year, kinksters! I wish you lots of excellent sex and surprises for next year!



Feminist submission and misogyny…

Feminist submission and misogyny…

A friend sent me a link to the article “Feminist Submission” – a good read but over-complicating things a little in my view…. On the other hand, misogyny is on the rise in the US after the election. Miss Liberty in (poorly executed, admittedly) bondage looks confused…

libertytied I haven’t really had the contradiction issue so many women describe “how can I be a strong woman and enjoy…” – I’ve always thought I just do and I don’t really see any problem or conflict there. On the contrary, it’s easier to be strong and lead when there’s a safe space to feel vulnerable, taken care of and not have to make all the decisions.

I think too many female subs especially reasonably self-aware and independent ones don’t realise how precious they are and what power they have to choose partners and level of engagement. And the election doesn’t make that easier for anyone, BDSM or not. It just comes out more clearly in this environment as there is so much more scope for it to go wrong and men to abuse women while assuming they’re in the right.

There are asshole Doms, always have been, lots of them. The difference now is their life is just getting easier. More for the community to help keep in check. And for female subs to watch out for.

The most important thing is to realise that for a woman who wants to engage in this way with a man/men; leaving one opportunity on the table doesn’t deplete the ocean of better ones available. It’s not like trying to find someone to marry or even to build a friendship with, there will be a million chances to play and it is not urgent. There is no season here…

My 2p… Happy weekend!



The Monogamish Closet

The Monogamish closet: This week. it’s five years ago I was Savage Love Letter of the Day; my fifteen minutes of fame (thank God it was anonymous!).

It’s been five very non-monogamous years, with lots of fun, tears and joy. I marvel at how much I’ve learned and how much I still have to experience. Thank you to everyone who’s taken part and contributed to my journey!dan-savage

And thank you to Dan Savage – but he’s very well sung elsewhere, so he won’t be an unsung hero. But he and all the readers and listeners have made me feel a little less freaky.

Now I’m going to sing Christmas  carols for charity again this weekend and fulfil my role as pillar of society. Then I can go out and sin for another year 🙂

Warning: UK Obscenity laws could cause you trouble, dear…

(Better include this picture again before it’s banned… add a gag and it’s definitely too much for lawmakers as it would seem)

tough love 2

Please read the excellent article on UK obscenity laws in VICE Magazine by GirlOnTheNet, and consider that the content in my book Tough Love could not be filmed in England – or photos shown of what actually happened. I’m confused why violence is allowed but increasingly sex isn’t in different media? I mean, WTF?

Also spare a thought for our knight in shining armour for this issue and many others: Myles Jackman, my Unsung Hero #1

Oh dear oh dear, what’s the world coming to…




Unsung heroes pt4: John Baku – father of FetLife

Unsung hero of the day: John Baku (on right, here w James Golick, ex-CTO of FetLife)


“Do you know John Baku?” was proposed as the secret handshake of us kinksters, referring to the father of FetLife, who all of us should thank, but few know the name of.

The community he created has brought loners together, made freaks feel better about themselves and contributed to increasing the pleasure (and pain) level in the world. My life certainly would have been bleaker without his work. The orgasms I’ve had and tears I have shed thanks to the universe he created and its inhabitants are uncountable.


FetLife is not a dating site, which I personally find equally liberating and frustrating depending on mood, but a community of kinksters. Just like any other community counting millions of members, there are issues and seriously dodgy people, but the creativity, openness, quirkyness and fright factor (in a good way) is incredible. Allegedly there are many fake profiles and a fair amount of misrepresentation going on, but  we’re talking about adult members on an adult-themed online forum, so drama and disappointment is to be expected if you don’t watch out.

Personally, I can’t recommend it enough – use your judgement and think twice, and you could have the time of your life. I’ve met the most amazing people, some of whom have changed the course of my existence forever, and some who have just been a good laugh, shag or dreadful date. John Baku has made everything a little more colourful, made me feel good in so many ways and bad in a few. There’s so much I wouldn’t have known about myself or what’s possible in the real world if it hadn’t been for FetLife.

Come and say hello – I’m KateJuliaWhite and you can easily find me… Thanks for hosting me, John!


Unsung heroes pt3: Carsie Blanton, on Casual Love

Unsung heroes pt 3: Carsie Blanton – my Casual Love heroine


Carsie is a sex-positive blogger, witty singer-songwriter, talented performer and one of my gurus. You see, if your gurus are all old men with white beards, you’ve missed something. I love having a young, blunt, unconventional woman as a guru, who can teach me about life, love and music.

I love her music – like Backbone, about wanting someone who’s got integrity and self-awareness, not just swagger and a hot bod (although that’s always nice…)

or this one: Smoke Alarm about not giving a fuck about what others say most of the time (including not thinking too hard before spending a night with someone we fancy)

But for me, what has made a big difference is her blog on Casual Love; that we should allow ourselves to love and be loved a little more generously than most of us do today. It’s made an enormous difference to how I view love, sex and relationships. Read it here, it may just make your world that tiny bit brighter and lovelier. I have been known to say “I love you in a Carsie Blanton way”, meaning happily, without expectations or any trajectory. Just appreciating the moment we have together, nothing more, nothing less.

While you read and open your mind to more love, listen to her latest album, So Ferocious, and consider supporting a young guru with a beautiful soul.

I love you in a Carsie Blanton way.